Dr. Mohan's Jokes and Quotes

Jokes

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

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Two atoms run into each other. One atom says, "I think I lost an electron."

The second atom asks, "Are you sure?"

The first atom replies, "I'm positive."

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Student A: Knock, knock.

Student B: Who's there?

Student A: Aldehyde.

Student B: Aldehyde who?

(Few moments of silence . . .)

Student C: Hmmn, he's gone. Must have been a leaving group.

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Chemistry Song

You Pb me to believe he's dead

I Zn he won't survive

Ba in the ground, you fool,

Do you Zn he's still alive?

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Q: Why do white bears dissolve in water?

A: Because they're polar!

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Have you heard the one about the chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?

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Q: If a mole is an Avogadro number, what is a guaca-mole?

A: An avocado number!

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It's good to keep a positive attitude and not have an electron cloud over your head.

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Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

A: They're cheaper than day rates!

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Quotes

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." -Albert Einstein

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"Never express yourself more clearly than you think." -Niels Bohr

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"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we

do not see the ones which open for us." -Alexander GrahamBell

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"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." -Wernher von Braun

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"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." -Winston Churchill

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"It is disconcerting to reflect on the number of students we have flunked in chemistry for not knowing what we later found to be untrue." -quoted in Robert L. Weber, Science with a Smile (1992)

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More quotes from Einstein

"No amount of experiments can ever prove me right; a single experiment may at anytime prove me wrong."

"Everything should be as simple as possible, but not simpler."

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

"How can he possibly be humble? He hasn't done anything yet."