They are everywhere. They wear crazy disguises to fool us into thinking they are everyday people. They eat the food we eat, drink the water we drink, and walk the streets we walk. Sometimes we can point them out, because our stereotypes of them are very accurate. Every now and then, they have marches and parades to spread their propaganda, and let the public know that they will not go down without a fight for civil rights.

They have infiltrated the media. They have their own shows, which are just attempts at brainwashing our Puritan culture into thinking like they think, and feeling like they feel. In the news, all we hear recently is how they are off getting married. The nerve they have to demand the same rights as all freedom-loving Americans is just outrageous. The nerve they have to be homosexual.

But hope is not yet lost. The great American action hero has, yet again, come to the rescue of the American people. In a time when many American soldiers are being killed in a war that protects the American people from “evildoers, thugs and assassins,” the unemployment rate is nice and high, the American dollar is losing value, and Janet Jackson is showing some booby, we have our unsung hero to look for help. He is the number one stunner, George Double-Youuuuuuuuu Bush.

According to the article in the New York Times titled, “Bush Backs Ban in Constitution on Gay Marriage,” George Dubya was quoted as saying: “the union of a man and a woman is ‘the most fundamental institution of civilization’ and that it cannot be separated from its ‘cultural, religious and natural roots’ without weakening society.” He is absolutely right. Society is only weakened when people are in love and want to be recognized as such by their own country. Society is strengthened when heterosexuals get married, and then 53% of them get divorced.

In the same article, Rev. Richard D. Land, the president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention, stated: “Our forefathers gave us this procedure [of amendment] in times of crisis when the people's will is being disregarded.” Rev. Richard D. Land not only represents the vast majority of the American population, he is also quick to note that gays getting married is a time of crisis. If it wasn’t for Dick Land, this crisis might have gone haywire. Thanks Dick.

The Constitution also states that there is a separation between Church and State. In short, every individual has the right to believe in, follow, and practice any religion he chooses, but no single religion has the right to infringe on the beliefs of others. Yet homosexuality, much less the union of two men or two women, is not accepted by most faiths. This is where the Church draws the line, walks over to the State, and says, “I’m Rick James, bitch.” If the Church says it’s bad, it must be bad.

Being the progressive, liberal nation that we are, it is only necessary to ban gays from getting married. Could society possibly handle the integration of black and white kids in schools? Wait, that already happened, and America only became that much better for it. But could society handle black and white kids with gay parents? Could American society change for the better, and accept all of its citizens as equals, while developing a culture of understanding and open-mindedness? Who the hell wants that anyway?

By: Michael Shafarenko

[<<]